Sharing Caregiving Duties With Siblings

When caring for aging parents, sharing caregiving responsibilities with siblings can make the journey more manageable and meaningful. While your brothers and sisters can provide vital support, navigating family dynamics in caregiving isn’t always easy. However, by working together, you can reduce stress, make better decisions, and strengthen family bonds. Here are practical strategies to help families collaborate and care for elderly parents as a team.

Share Responsibilities Based on Strengths and Availability

Practical challenges, such as geographic distance and individual availability, often affect how caregiving duties are divided. For example, a sibling who lives nearby might assist with daily tasks, such as doctor visits and errands. Meanwhile, the long-distance caregiver can contribute to future care planning, finances, or researching elder care options.

Every sibling should feel heard and appreciated. Assign caregiving roles based on current strengths and availability, rather than past labels. This fosters equitable caregiving, mutual respect, and collective decision-making. Discussing caregiving goals before a crisis arises allows for a proactive, family-centered approach.

Play to Each Other’s Strengths

Old sibling roles often resurface during this phase. The one considered “responsible” growing up may unintentionally take on too much. Instead, consider each person’s unique skills and resources.

• A sibling with financial expertise might manage budgeting and elder care expenses.
• A sibling with strong organizational skills could oversee medical appointments or coordinate care services.
• Someone tech-savvy might handle digital health records or online grocery ordering.

Allowing flexible roles based on current capabilities, rather than childhood dynamics, can empower siblings, reduce resentment, and foster cooperation.

Keep Each Other Informed

Consistent communication is essential for avoiding misunderstandings and making well-informed decisions. Keep your siblings informed after phone calls or visits with your parents. Share what you’ve learned about their health, mood, and daily routines.

You might schedule a monthly check-in call or video meeting, perhaps on the first Sunday of the month, to discuss your parents’ well-being, brainstorm ideas, and plan next steps. Use group texts, emails, or shared caregiving apps to stay connected with others.

Additionally, consult reputable sources or eldercare professionals regularly and share your findings with them. Staying informed helps provide better care for aging parents and fosters trust among siblings.

Organize and Maintain Important Records

Managing medical, legal, and financial tasks becomes easier with organized documentation. Adequate recordkeeping prevents confusion and supports informed caregiving.

Key documents to maintain:

• Medical records (health history, medication list, advance directives)
• Financial files (budgets, insurance, expenses, tax documents)
• Legal paperwork (wills, power of attorney, care contracts)

Digital tools, such as shared folders or eldercare apps, can help store and update these records. Inadequate documentation can lead to delays in care, legal disputes, or missed deductions. Keeping everything organized builds a secure foundation for family caregiving.

Strengthen the Quality of Family Relations

Caregiving often brings emotional challenges. Addressing relationship dynamics is as vital as managing tasks.

Reflect on Aging – Seeing your parents’ age can stir complicated feelings. Reading introspective books or joining a caregiver support group may help you process these emotions.

Acknowledge Old Rivalries – You might find yourself revisiting past wounds, such as childhood favoritism or old rivalries. Rather than letting these issues fester, choose to have healing conversations or commit to moving forward together.

Respect Each Other’s Differences – Your siblings may offer support in different ways. For example, your sister might prefer hiring someone to help with the yard rather than doing it herself. Focus on the results, not how the help is delivered.

Set Realistic Expectations – Caregiving is hard work. Set manageable goals and allow for flexibility. Overcommitting can lead to burnout, so prioritize tasks and ask for help when you need it.

Show Compassion – There are emotionally intense seasons for everyone, such as holiday gatherings, changes in health conditions, and financial burdens. Be kind to yourself and your siblings, and understand each other’s situations that may affect your willingness or flexibility to care.

Common Relationship Challenges Among Siblings

Unequal Workload – One sibling may feel that they are carrying the entire burden, while others are not contributing. Talk openly about each person’s availability and agree on a plan that feels fair, even if the contributions differ in form, such as financial versus hands-on care.

Disagreements About Care Decisions – Some family members might want Mom to stay home at all costs, while others believe assisted living is the safer option. These emotionally charged decisions require respectful, fact-based conversations—ideally before a crisis forces a hurried decision.

Financial Tensions – Financial issues often create strain, mainly if one sibling covers more of the costs or disagrees with how funds are allocated. Clear budgeting, shared expense tracking, and financial transparency help minimize conflict.

Perceived Lack of Appreciation – The caregiving sibling may feel invisible or underappreciated, while others may feel judged for not doing enough. Take time to acknowledge each other’s efforts. Even a simple “thank you” can go a long way in healing rifts.

Involving or Excluding Certain Siblings – Some siblings may feel left out of decisions or updates, especially if they live a long distance away. Others might purposely exclude a sibling they view as “uninvolved.” Set regular communication points to ensure everyone is informed and feels included, regardless of their level of contribution.

Communicate Clearly and Ask for Specific Help

When requesting help, be honest and direct without guilt-tripping. Explain what you need:

• “Can you cover next weekend’s errands?”
• “Could you help with part of Mom’s medication costs?”
• “Would you be able to research local home care options this week?”

Clear and guilt-free communication increases the chances of support and reduces tension. Every bit of help counts and can strengthen sibling cooperation.

Celebrate the Wins—Big and Small

Take time to celebrate when things go right. Whether your dad has a good week or your team solves a caregiving problem together, acknowledge it. Sharing wins boosts morale and reminds everyone of the positive impact teamwork can have.