Navigating Ambivalence In Caregiving

When You Feel Both Love and Resentment, How Do You Manage These Mixed Emotions?

If you’re a caregiver, chances are you’ve felt that confusing mix of emotions. One minute you’re grateful for the time with your loved one, the next you’re fantasizing about a weekend alone. You love them deeply, but sometimes you feel drained, even resentful.

That, my friend, is ambivalence. And you’re not alone.

Whether you choose to be a caregiver or find yourself in the role out of necessity, the journey is emotional, exhausting, and full of shifting responsibilities. Many of us are juggling tasks we never imagined doing—bathing a parent, managing medications, having hard conversations—and it can take a toll not just physically but emotionally.

Let’s talk about ambivalence in caregiving—and how we can learn to sit with it, honor it, and even grow through it.

What Is Ambivalence in Caregiving?

Ambivalence means having conflicting feelings at the same time. It might sound something like this:

“I want to be here for my mom, but I miss my old life.”
“I feel so proud to care for my dad, but I also feel trapped.”
“I’m doing my best, but I wish someone else could take over.”

These feelings are not wrong. They’re completely normal.

Caregiving is an emotional roller coaster. You might feel love, sadness, frustration, guilt, loneliness, and even joy on the same day. The important thing is to recognize these emotions, not judge them. They are your mind’s way of processing a very complex situation.

What Causes Ambivalence?

Ambivalence often arises when:

Your relationship with the care recipient has changed
You’re balancing caregiving with parenting, work, or other roles
You had a complicated history with your loved one before they got sick
Your cultural or personal beliefs are clashing with your current reality

If left unchecked, ambivalence can wear you down and lead to burnout, anxiety, insomnia, or depression. That’s why pausing, naming the feeling, and working through it is so important.

4 Tips to Cope with Ambivalence in Caregiving

Here are some tools you can try to manage those conflicting feelings:

Let Yourself Feel the Full Range of Emotions

Caregiving is messy. It’s okay to feel pride one moment and frustration the next. You are not a bad person for having negative thoughts. You’re human. Permit yourself to feel without guilt or shame.

Be Honest About Your Feelings Toward Your Loved One

Some days are easier than others. There may be moments when old wounds resurface or your loved one’s behavior triggers your emotions. Remind yourself: love and anger can coexist. It doesn’t mean you care any less.

Use Your Emotions as Signals

If you snap more easily or feel hopeless, it might signal that you need rest, support, or a new routine. Listen to your emotions. They’re not weaknesses—they’re cues that something needs adjusting.

Make Small but Necessary Changes

Your feelings are valid—and they’re telling you something. Maybe it’s time to ask siblings for help, schedule a therapy session, or hire part-time support. Sometimes, rearranging your day for more rest or self-care can make a big difference.

Four Real-Life Scenarios (And What You Can Do About Them)

To make it real, let’s walk through some situations many caregivers face and explore ways to reframe and respond:

Scenario 1: “I love them, but miss my old life.”

Try this: Create small rituals that reconnect you to yourself. Journal for five minutes, take a solo walk, or dance to a favorite song. These moments are tiny lifelines to your identity beyond caregiving.

Scenario 2: “I don’t like who I’ve become—I’m always irritated.”

Try this: Practice reflective pauses. When you feel triggered, breathe and silently say: “This is frustration. What do I need right now?” Naming the emotion reduces its power.

Scenario 3: “I resent my siblings for not helping, but I feel guilty asking.”

Try this: Schedule a family meeting. Be specific and kind: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can anyone help with meals or appointments this month?” You don’t need to carry it all alone.

Scenario 4: “I feel stuck but don’t want to quit.”

Try this: Set a recurring check-in with yourself. Ask: What’s working? What’s not? What can shift? Caregiving isn’t set in stone—changing how you show up is okay based on what you need now.

Reframing Ambivalent Thoughts

Let’s go one step further. When you notice a painful thought, try reframing it:

From Resentment to Compassion
“I feel resentful.” → “I’m showing love the best I can right now.”
From Guilt to Acceptance
“I should be doing more.” → “I’m doing the best I can with what I have.”
From Overwhelm to Focus
“There’s too much to do.” → “One step at a time. Every task is progress.”
From Frustration to Patience
“They’re not listening.” → “They’re struggling too. We’ll get through this together.”

You Are Not Alone

Ambivalence doesn’t make you a bad or an imperfect caregiver. It makes you a real one.

Caring for someone you love is a courageous thing to do. But it’s also incredibly hard. The good news? You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. You don’t have to do it alone. And you don’t have to have all the answers.

Honor the complexity. Give yourself grace. And remember—acknowledging ambivalence isn’t a weakness. It’s a step toward healing, growth, and finding peace amidst the mess.

Ambivalence_Journaling_Worksheet – Making Space for Ambivalence. This journaling exercise is designed to help you explore conflicting feelings, release guilt, and create a sense of clarity. You don’t need perfect words—just an honest heart.