Understanding Anger in Caregiving
It is completely normal to experience anger and frustration when you are responsible for the ongoing care of someone, especially if they are not open to receiving help. When caring for an individual with dementia, the situation becomes even more intricate, as the person receiving care may exhibit irrational and combative behavior. It is important to understand that maintaining perfect control over your emotions is not always feasible. There are instances when feelings of anger can emerge involuntarily or unexpectedly.
Many caregivers struggle with anger. Let’s explore why this is and how we can address it.
- Anger Feels Shameful: Caregivers often believe they should have better self-control.
- Anger Feels Selfish: Some people believe they should focus solely on their loved one’s needs rather than their own.
- Anger Feels Dangerous: The fear of conflict leads to avoiding expressing anger.
These beliefs can prevent caregivers from dealing with common frustration, resentment, sadness, and worry that come with caregiving. Philosopher David Whyte once wrote, “We’re angry because we love because we’ve lost something precious…and we are left to pick up the pieces and rebuild.”
5 Ways to Channeling Anger for Positive Outcomes:
- Establish Personal Boundaries:
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- Learn to gauge your feelings and use them to set personal boundaries.
- Avoid overcommitting, set realistic expectations, and understand your limits for what you can achieve each day.
- Use these emotions to motivate yourself to say “No” when needed.
- Drive Advocacy Efforts:
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- Leverage your emotions to advocate for your loved ones with medical providers, social service agencies, and policymakers.
- Recognize Wellness Needs:
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- Understand that your emotions are warning signs when your wellness needs are unmet.
- Get support, take breaks, and schedule time for yourself to recharge. Continuous caregiving without breaks is unsustainable.
- Develop Empathy and Compassion:
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- Try to see the situation from the perspective of the person you are caring for.
- Understanding their struggles can foster empathy, and compassion can soften feelings of anger, creating a more harmonious caregiving environment.
- Use Anger as Motivation:
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- Channel your anger into making positive changes in your caregiving routine.
- For example, organize more efficient care plans or advocate for additional support.
Reflecting on the Root Causes of Anger is a major keyholder too.
Reflect on the underlying reasons for your anger, such as helplessness, resentment, or fear. Understanding these deeper emotions can help in addressing them constructively.
Reducing caregiver anger may be your primary goal, but avoiding it altogether is impossible. Anger is a normal human emotion. During your experience as a caregiver, you will inevitably feel angry, frustrated, hopeless, or exhausted. It would be best to have a healthy outlet for releasing these emotions when these moments happen.
Healthy Outlets for Anger
- Physical Activity:
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- People use exercise such as walking, running, or yoga as an effective way to release stress. Find activities that involve physical movements that can release endorphins, a hormone that gives you pleasure.
- Venting:
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- Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Sometimes, simply expressing your emotions can provide relief.
- Private Release:
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- Excusing yourself and screaming into a pillow or practicing deep breathing exercises can help release pent-up anger.
- Professional Counseling:
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- Counseling can help you explore your identity as a caregiver and come to terms with your loved one’s illness. Understanding your thoughts and feelings can help diminish resentment.
- Mindfulness Techniques:
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- When you get angry, take a step back and count to 10. This will allow you to reevaluate your response.
- Use the “STOP SKILL” method: Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed mindfully.
By incorporating these strategies and tips, caregivers can manage their anger more effectively and channel it into positive, constructive actions.
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